1) No integrity.

2) No conscience.

3) No shame.

4) No morals.

5) No belief in God ( unless you think Bill Clinton is the second coming...no, not that kind ).

6) A good memory, or good enough eyesight to read poorly xeroxed cue-cards.

7) A recent cancelled check from any Red Chinese government agency.

8) The ability to lie convincingly, having had little sleep, and with no excessive blinking or facial ticks.

9) A love of kinky sex.

10) Blind loyalty to the Democratic Party.

11) No regard for the consequences of your lies, to the future of the country.

12) A vivid imagination, to help think up new fantastic lies.

13) A great library of non-explicative duragatory terms, for describing the President's perceived enemies.

14) A belief that the movie " Wag The Dog ", was actually a documentary ( or the wish to see it become one ).

15) A letter of recommendation from Moktar Riady.

16) A hand written thesis on the benefits of Fabian Socialism, to the people of the United States and the world.

17) A job ( not that kind ) for Bill in Hollywood, after his impeachment.

18) A digital television with only CNN programmed in the memory ( or a VCR with only Larry King and Geraldo Rivera programmed on it ).

19) No ties to Dan Lassiter, or a phoney urine sample ready.

20) The ability to agree with Geraldo Rivera, without breaking out in laughter.

21) The ability to completely ignore the truth and repeat the same lie over and over again with no changes.

22) A good loud voice and a DNC membership card.

23) Zipper fly pants for men, and short skirts ( no semen stains ) with no underwear, for women.

- Bongo ( Don't quit your regular job. )