1) President Bill Clinton. He may be a real turkey, who has some thanks to give today. He may be thanking. His cabinet members for lying about his affair with Monica Lewinsky for him. Janet Reno, for her help in stonewalling the campaign finance abuse inquiry into the Whitehouse and DNC. Geraldo Rivera and Allen Dershowitz for lapping up his spin and regurgitating it to the public so well. Susan MacDougal and Webster Hubbell for keeping quiet on his true Whitewater involvement. Saddam Hussein, for being such an easy mark as one of his major ' wag the dog ' subjects to hate. The Congressional Black Caucus, for concocting even better spin ( lies ) than even he could think of. Newt Gingrich, for being such a terrific target to change the subject to!

2) Attorney General Janet Reno. Solid, though physically shakey, in her position as the Presidential Defense Attorney General.

3) David ' Darth Vader ' Kendall. He popularized the snear and continued the tradition of the ' OJ defense. '.

4) James Carville. He proved that snakes could walk!

5) Linda Tripp. She breathed new life into Radio Shack.

6) Charles Grodin. He put the milk into the toast.

7) Saddam Hussein. For jerking the Presidential pull chain, even more than Monica Lewinsky.

8) William Ginsberg. For proving that baboons can talk!

9) CNN. For being such an obvious liberal Democrat mouth piece, and for being stupid enough to air the ' Tailwind ' story!

10) Al Gore. For his incredibly stupid anti-GOP campaign ' rap '( song ).

Dishonorable mention: The NBA players. For showing us that there is life without millionaire dribblers trying to throw a ball down a hole. Also, for showing the youth of America what ' greed ' can get you!

Pile up the turkey and pour on the gravy. Happy Thanksgiving!

- Bongo ( Watch out for salmonella! )