In typical ' get outta' town ' fashion, Air Force One headed to the other side of the world, as the first witness appeared before the House Judiciary Committee Impeachment Inquiry. Seeing Asia as the fund raising bonanza it always has been for him ( Moktar Riady, et al. ), President Bill Clinton ( aspiring president of the world ) decided to see how much he could dig up in five days? From Japan on Friday to South Korea beginning Saturday, the Airforce One Entourage was on the move ( I wonder how much of the Social Security Trust Fund was spent on this trip? ).

In many countries around the world, bribes for service and the consummation of business deals, are the order of the day. This is so prevalent, that laws forbidding American businesses to conduct negotiations in this manner, have been passed. I would venture to guess, American businesses may have been hindered by this prohibition. The big question would be; ' did Clinton circumvent these laws while in Arkansas and continues to do so, as President '?

Bill Clinton did seem to want to ' live dangerously ', engaging in improper sexual conduct with Monica Lewinsky while a sexual based Paula Jones lawsuit was in progress. Just about anyone would have to agree, this wreckless behavior while possibly under increased scrutiny, must have been some kind of thrill for him. Would some back room, behind the scenes, activity with Asian businessmen, while campaign finance abuse investigations ( including foreign money from Asia ) are ongoing; be the same kind of risk taking thrill ride for the President? He wouldn't really do that, would he?

We all know Clinton wouldn't spend two days at a discussion with businessmen without getting something out of it. How much did the Whitehouse get for a cup of coffee? I forget, but it was more expensive than Starbucks. Remember, in this case the President is making a house call!

Our beloved fearless leader did find the time to have a joint press conference media event with South Korean President Kim Dae Jung, in the Blue House. Whitehouse, Bluehouse, is there a Redhouse in Bejing? Jimi Hendrix did say, " there's a red house over yonder "...

Well, with his recent self declared victory over Saddam Hussein and Iraq fresh in his memory, Clinton decided to see if some tough talk would work on North Korea ( Iraq is already thumbing it's nose at UNSCOM over access to some documents ). Knowing that the North Korean fireworks industry was alive and well ( remember the successful August 31st show near Japan? ), Mister President was concerned, when shown some eight by ten color glossies from high flying American Nikons ( spy satellitte pix, man ). While examining these photographs with his official Hogan's Heroes Colonel Klink monocle, he detected thousands of North Koreans digging a big hole. Being the suspicious type, he didn't think this hole was destined to be number one at the Pyongyang Beach Country Club or an under ground parking lot for South Korean tourists. Clinton assumed that the North Korean fireworks industry was busy developing some new twinkling burst warheads ( nuclear? ). Instructing U.S. envoy Charles Kartman to inquire about an inspection of the site with the North Koreans, he was met with a request for a three hundred thousand dollar ticket for admittance. Quite understandable actually, as the North Koreans have seen the President charge a fee for Whitehouse access ( coffees, overnights, pictures, etc. ); so why not charge a fee of their own? Clinton publically rebuffed this fee, but didn't he ' bribe ' North Korea before, with general aid and the construction of nuclear power plants ( where the by-product is material usable for nuclear warheads ) in 1994? Wouldn't you think Clinton would voice loud support of an American ballistic missile defense system, after giving the North Koreans access to nuclear technology and the Red Chinese access to our advanced missile guidance technology? Finally, Clinton did say, "...nothing could ever be put in that hole in the ground that would give the North Koreans as much advantage, as much power, as much wealth, as much happiness, as more of those ships going up there full of people from here ". Advantage, power, wealth, and happiness, huh...killing them with kindness?

Reportedly, the President cruised to a Seoul ( not soul ) culture center to see his brother Roger and his band ( this is not meant to legitimize it, as anything other than bad amateur garage ' music ' ). He listened from back stage ( what else do they do with ' roadies ' back there? ), then was introduced to an applauding audience of a couple thousand people ( persumably for the office of the Presidency of the United States ). What, no saxophone? We all know how much Bill enjoys a good blow! Does this spell the end of his ' musical ' performances, or simply, no Wayfarers and a saxophone were available?

After visiting some American troops stationed in South Korea ( maybe thinking Bob Hope and some Playboy Bunnies would be there too ), the President will be close to heading back to Washington.

- Bongo ( No tickee, no washee... )