Bill Clinton is finding out his ' wag the dog ' phoney media show, that is currently masquerading as a poor excuse for what I loosely call foreign policy, is in deep trouble. Brutal terrorist and communist dictatorships all over the world are flourishing and thumbing their noses at the forces of democracy ( or America, the United Nations and our beloved President ). Clinton's precious International Monetary Fund and World Bank are ineffectual and becoming a slush fund for world organized crime. The President's vaunted ' war on terrorism ' has been exposed as encouragement to terrorist states through bribery and/or inaction ( except for the photo opportunities, ofcourse )!

RED CHINA. While sweat-shops churn out the latest new fad toy, Furbie, for the Christmas lemmings to fight over ( you don't notice the liberals making any noise about the human rights abuses in these Red Chinese toy factories ), the Beijing government puts a pro-democracy advocate on trial for subversion, Wang Youcai. All you liberals out there, make sure you buy lots of goods from this communist dictatorship, that arrests anyone attempting to voice the spirit of democracy in their country and pays workers twenty dollars a week, to make a toy that sells for double that price for one unit. Don't let the human rights violations, the liberals made so much noise about, get in your way!

RUSSIA. While the organized crime bosses in Russia count their IMF money, the ruble continues to fall ( and they speed up the printing presses to match ). US taxpayers directly provide a substantial chunk of the over twenty billion in economic aid promised to Russia by the IMF. As Americans testify for ( Former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark ) and against ( FBI agent Robert Levinson ) a suspected ex-Soviet crime boss ( Sergei Mikhailov ) in Switzerland, Russian Foreign Minister Ivan Ivanov muddies the waters on Iraqi compliance with UNSCOM ( and undermines Clinton's harsh public rhetoric on complete Iraqi disclosure ), with a statement that through their current cooperation, sanctions will soon be lifted on Iraq.

JAPAN. Suffering it's worst recession in fifty years, the ailing Japanese economy ( actaully shrinking almost three percent this quarter ) is causing other Asian countries to also experience financial woes ( notably South Korea ). While this may give us lower prices on Asian made electronics, it also hurts US companies trying to sell goods in Asia. Where is Clinton and his much heralded IMF on this one? It just doesn't seem fair that we must always bail out these countries, that took advantage of us, and reap no benefits ourselves ( remember the bail out of Indonesian Royalty, while the common people languished in squallor? ). It was the choice of Japanese businesses to buy American real estate, instead of putting the money back into their own economy; now they are experiencing the error in their ways. Why can't we recoup some of the currency devaluations that occured between the yen and the dollar, while Japan was dumping cheap goods and automobiles in America, decades ago? Clinton seems to show no shame in holding his hand out for personal monetary contributions, so why not put the United States interests ahead of his own for a change. It is just not going to happen, folks!

IRAQ. Beside the ' wag the dog ' public double speak by the Whitehouse on UNSCOM weapons inspections, Clinton has completely caved in to Saddam Hussein on the issue of complete and total access to suspected Iraqi weapons sites. They still have not surrendered important documents requested weeks ago. He lets the Russians take center stage with internationally reported actions of negotiation by Tariq Aziz and Ivan Ivanov. " For more than seven years Iraq has been following through on its obligations, but the Security Council hasn't been meeting its obligations, this is unacceptable '', Aziz said in Moscow. Aziz also said that he hoped " lawful and objective inspections '' could take place next month? Who decides what is ' lawful and objective '? Saddam? Seemingly not Clinton or the UN. " We believe that soon the sanctions will be lifted, we are approaching the end of a long process '', Ivanov added at the Moscow news conference. Iraq owes Russia a ton of money ( billions ); so they do have alterior motives in undermining Clinton's supposed tough stance on Iraq, especially after watching him repeatedly back down and waffle on the threats of military action. Maybe, Aziz can embarass Clinton some more, when he meets with Russian Prime Minister Yevgeny Primakov today. Yes, Clinton is not just a paper tiger, but a toilet tissue paper tiger!

NORTH KOREA. Clinton bribed the North Koreans to ' freeze ' their nuclear program with economic aid and two new nuclear reactors in 1994. So, why was the Whitehouse so surprised when the North Koreans asked for three hundred thousand dollars to inspect a supposed nuclear related site they are building near at Keumjang-ri, 25 miles northeast of their main nuclear complex at Youngbyon. Maybe, he was disappointed that they asked for a ' fee ', before he offered more incentives ( another bribe )? Leave it up to South Korean President Kim Dae-jung, he proposed the United States provide economic and diplomatic benefits to North Korea in exchange for access to the suspected nuclear weapons site in a meeting with William Perry. Look for Clinton to sign off on this, as he doesn't see any global media photo opportunites happening, if he issues additional emtpy threats!

ISRAEL. The November 1998 election driven media photo opportunity event disguised as the Wye interim peace accords has understandably fallen through. Negotiations with a known and confessed liar ( Clinton ), will never pass the test of time. While US Marine forces conduct land and sea excercises in and around Israel, the Israeli military suspends all troop withdrawls from territories that were to be ceded to the Palestinians. Are these excercises supposed to send a message to Israel, or vice versa? Reportedly, on Sunday Netanyahu accused Arafat of " making a farce '' of the Wye peace accords and said he would not agree to further troop withdrawals until anti-Israel violence was stopped. Well, it is Monday and the violence has not stopped. True to this statement ( unlike the continually lying and waffling Clinton ), Netanyahu has halted all actions of withdrawl from the West Bank area. As Netanyahu says. " The Palestinians are making a farce out of the Wye River accord. They think they have the United States in their back pocket. As long as that is the case, they will not change their behavior.'' Madeline Albright today called on Israel to adhere to the timetable set in the Wye accords for turning over territory to the Palestinian Authority. Obviously Netanyahu is not going to fall for the BS any longer! This is the serious business of the survival of Israel, and Netanyahu will not allow any more Israeli blood to pay for Clinton's media photo opportunities! Will our perverse President continue to endorse the mad dog arab terrorist Palestinians, by flying to ' Terrorist International Airport ', in Gaza? This is Darth Vader diplomacy at it's best. The Whitehouse has repeatedly said the trip is to help the peace process in total and not a blanket endorsement of the Palestinian aspirations for statehood. Arafat sees it differently, as a rubber stamp to their hopes of a terrorist homeland to launch attacks on Israel from, saying of Clinton's proposed visit, " historic and great ". Since the phoney Wye accords were signed; Israel released 250 prisoners, okayed the airport in Gaza and began to pull troops out of the West Bank area. On the other hand, since the Wye accords; the Palestinians threw a party for Hamas and Islamic Jihad, and covert Palestinian terrorist actions have turned into open clashes with innocent Israelis. How's that for trading ' land for security '? No more innocent Israeli blood should be shed as payment for Clinton international media photo opportunities!

THIRD WORLD IN GENERAL. While United Nations peacekeepers flee Angola, the peace in that country deteriorates to open conflict. At The Hague, in the Netherlands, Bosnian Serb General Radislav Krstic plead not guily to war crimes ( genocide ) in the Yugoslav war crimes tribunal. Sadly, it is too late for the thousands murdered. Possibly, a stronger ( or just not imaginary ) policy by Clinton, would have saved many of these people from a mass grave! In Abu Dhabi, where the United Arab Emirates is hosting the summit of the Gulf Cooperation Council, South African President Nelson Mandela and UN Secretary General Kofi Annan arrive, to attend the meeting of oil producing nations of the region. Hey man, why didn't they invite Bill Clinton? He could help them discuss Iraq ( some bizarre plan about a missile shield - where is America's? ) and Iran ( it's navy is running amok in the Gulf, in a saber rattling routine over recently annexed islands there ). I got it; it must be ' no liars allowed '?

Fairly pityful, if you ask me...

- Bongo ( American foreign policy, has become the adventures of the three stooges ( Madeline Albright, Sandy Berger and William Cohen ), with Clinton as Shemp ( sorry Shemp )! )