OK, today's sports rant has to do with the sudden disappearance of that fraternity of baseball players we'll call pitchers, for lack of a better name. Remember them? Believe me, they didn't used to serve up just about every other pitch to every batter that happened to stroll on by home plate. There is a lot of evidence to the fact that they're just not showing up anymore.

For instance, we have THREE people gunning for Roger Maris' home run record, each of them running ahead of Maris' pace. OK, I can see McGwire and Griffey; they're gifted batters, and any pitcher might get a little wobbly- kneed facing a monster like McGwire. But Sammy Sosa? A *Cub*? Yeah, right. Cubs inspire fear in kittens, maybe. An occasional shrinking violet, OK. But a pitcher, never. He's supposed to swagger up to the mound, kick around a little dirt, stare down the batter until he doesn't know which way is up, then blow the ball on by. Maybe even sneak one between the shoulder blades every once in a while, for a little added respect. So where did the fireballers disappear to? I'm still looking.

Another bit of evidence: just look at the box scores nowadays. 13 to 8, 15 to 12, 96 to 3. Remember the good old days (and they weren't that long ago) when a team could score four runs and generally expect to win a game, when the final didn't resemble a football score? Not anymore. Four runs gets you through an inning these days, maybe. Where's Nolan Ryan when you need him? Koufax would have laughed at most of today's batters, American League strike zone, National League strike zone, whatever!

I can already hear people saying, 'But it makes the game more interesting for the fans!' Start figuring out the fine art of pitching and you might find yourself a little more interested in what's really going on than in the three or four homers that get hit in a game. And for all of you thinking that it's because this is the first year of true regular-season, interleague play, that's really more a question of preparation than anything else (mostly having to do with figuring out the other league's strike zone).

The final proof (statwise, anyway) will be in the pitchers' final ERA's. I'd be willing to bet that the average ERA will jump this season.

'Excuse me, young man, could you direct me to the strike zone? I seem to have lost it. Oh, where are my eyeglasses?'

- Catcher in the Wry ( Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk. )