HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL. Whether you be Jewish or Christian, Hindu or Muslim, black, white or whatever; I wish the best to all, in this holiday season. And to all a prosperous and HAPPY NEW YEAR.

This may be what some folks wanted Santa Claus to bring them.

The Iraqis wanted UN sanctions lifted. Bill Clinton wanted a weenie censure from the House of Representitives. Tony Blair wanted an image makeover. Bob Livingston and Newt Gingrich wanted to do the work of the nation. Northern Ireland, the Mideast and Kosovo wanted peace. Alec Baldwin wanted political recognition. Red China wanted more accurate ICBMs. North Korea wanted nukes. Benjamin Netanyahu wanted to govern Israel. James Carville wanted more sleaze for his WARs on Republicans. Four women wanted to split a million bucks from Hustler magazine for ratting on Bob Livingston's adultery. Mike Espy wanted acquittal. Al Gore and Harold Ickies didn't want independant counsels. Janet Reno wanted to keep her job. Democrats wanted to save Social Security. Republicans wanted to save the surplus and offer a modest tax cut. Ken Starr wanted to finish his job as independant counsel with his integrity intact. Geraldo Rivera wanted to be accepted as a legitimate news anchor. The ghost of Abraham Lincoln wanted his bedroom at " Motel 1600 " closed down. Osama bin Laden wanted his camping supplies replaced. Linda Tripp wanted a million dollar book deal. Hillary Clinton wanted Bill to be faithful. Tipper Gore wanted to be first lady. NBA players wanted a piece of the team owner's action. Jerrold Nadler wanted some respect as a legislator. Orin Hatch wanted an olive branch from the Whitehouse. Bill Gates wanted Netscape. Democrats wanted only single digit losses in Congress on November 3rd. Moktar Riady wanted American contracts for his Indonesian coal. Barbara " Kneeling Before King Clinton " Boxer wanted another term in the Senate. Carol Moseley Braun wanted another term in the Senate. Maxine Waters wanted Ken Starr to be investigated, and not Bill Clinton. The Palestinians wanted to declare an independant state. NASA wants the Russians to live up to their portions of the International Space Station. Arianna Huffington wanted Bill Clinton's resignation. Bob Barr wanted Bill Clinton removed from office.

Sadly, not everyone around the globe got what they wanted.

The Iraqis got cruise missiles and smart bombs. Bill Clinton got articles of impeachment. Tony Blair got mobs of anti-war protestors with signs and placards. Bob Livingston and Newt Gingrich got resignations. Northern Ireland ( IRA refuses to disarm ), the Mideast ( riots in the West Bank and Gaza ) and Kosovo ( fighting in Dobrotin and Podujevo ) got renewed violence. Alec Baldwin exposed himself, for the vicious far far left wing political crank he is, on the Conan O'Brian late night television show. Netanyahu got a vote of no confidence and an early Israeli election. Larry Flynt's Hustler magazine gave the four women the raspberry. The American people didn't get a tax cut. Ken Starr's integrity was viciously attacked by liberals. Geraldo Rivera exposed himself to be a Whitehouse/DNC robotic hack. Sorry, Mr. Lincoln. Sorry Osama. Linda got a DAT recorder. What did you want, Hillary? Sorry Tipper, maybe for Valentines Day. NBA players got to watch NCAA basketball for the holidays. Jerrold Nadler got a 20 pound honey-baked ham. Orin Hatch got a vodka martini. Wait until the heat is off, Moktar, okay? Carol, how about New Zealand? Maxine, can you spell I-M-P-E-A-C-H-M-E-N-T; I knew you could. The Palestinians ennulled the clauses calling for the destruction of Israel from their charter. Arianna got her husband's resignation ( he declared himself a homosexual ). Maybe next year, Bob.

Maybe more sadly, some of them did get what they wanted!

Hughes, sponsored by the Clinton State Department, gave Red China the missile guidance technology it needed. North Korea got nuclear reactors for fissionable material. James Carville's friend Larry Flynt gave him sexual slime on a dozen Republicans ( or was it the other way around? ). Mike Espy was acquitted. Janet Reno refused to appoint an independant counsel on either Gore or Ickies, thus keeping her job. Democrats got the pork in the Omnibus Budget agreement, they really wanted. Ken Starr's OIC impeachment referral was legitimized by the House voting out articles of impeachment? Geraldo Rivera was given an additional 1/2 hour per weekday, by CNBC. Hillary got a bottle of very dark hair dye and a beret. AOL got Netscape. Dell got AOL and Netscape. Democrats gained seats in the House and held their own in the Senate. Barara Boxer was re-elected. The Russians were busy counting the deposits in their Swiss bank account passbooks.

Is that a lump of coal or a diamond, in your X-mas stocking?

- Bongo ( I think I got what I wanted? )