Page: Intern substitute.

Palimony: What interns should be paid for having to put up with your groping.

Papery: Sound of your excuses. Thin. Very thin.

Parasite on the Body Politic: Who else but you?

Pariah: Guess who?

Parody: Your administration.

Parse-imony: Your version of testimony.

Peacemaker: Armtwister, or ICBM.

Peccadillo: At least daily, if possible.

Penal Code: "Bring me those letters, please, Monica."

Pending: Various civil and criminal lawsuits, on your leaving office.

Penitence: Isn't that an English coin?

Perjury: Can you tell the difference anymore? Or could you ever?

Persecution: Reward for disagreement with you.

Philanderer: Man after your own heart.

Philistine: Conformist; see also Democrat, Lackey.

Pleasure Dome: Oval Office.

Pollaganda: Integrity substitute; see also Philistine.

Predator: Another of your favorite movies, or what you really are beneath that lying exterior.

president: You.

Presidents: Ronald Reagan, George Bush, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford.

Pressing Engagement: 'Special' massage, or trip to dry cleaners to have evidence removed.

Prosecution: The order of the day, every day.

Prude: Only person who buys your definition of sexual relations.

Puerile: Your anti-GOP 'crusade.'

Punishment: Your legacy as 'the most unethical administration in history.'

Pursuit of Happiness: Not necessarily pursuit of every female on two legs.

Quaking In Their Boots: At least five Republican Senators.

Qualified: Sexually mature.

Qualifier: "There is no sexual relationship" with Monica Lewinsky.

Qualms: What are those?

Quantum Leap: The distance people's faith will have to reach to believe in what you say.

Quarry: Republican.

Quasi-reality: The type found in Washington.

Queer: The appearance of just about everything that you do.

Quell: To 'pacify' rabblerousers.

Quibbling: Just about every White House argument during this process.

Quick: Sidney Blumenthal, but not quick enough...

Quicker: Ken Starr.

Quickest: You, the Teflon man. Not even impeachment can slow your spinners and plumbers down...

Quickie: Once in the early morning. Then once at early midmorning. Once before lunch, and once in early midafternoon. Once in the late midafternoon. Then twice just before dinner, to build up an appetite...but never at dusk!

Quill Pens: Try these when you get tired of abusing cigars.

Quips: Don't worry, you'll hear thousands of them. Or perhaps you'll refuse to hear them...

Quiz Show: Grand Jury testimony.

Quorum: You and three playmates.

Quotation: Sound bite.

Quote: Infinitely mutable object, as far as you're concerned.

Rage: Cover for humiliation.

Raincoat: Prophylactic, or the latest fashion among interns that work in your office.

Ramifications: Never heard of 'em.

Rancor: You haven't even begun to see it yet.

Rant: Your 'attack apology.'

Raped: Sexual harassment laws.

Recitation: Just about every Democratic speech made during the impeachment proceedings.

'Reckless and Shameless:' The way even your own party views you.

Recollection: "Oops, sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

Reconciliation: Yeah right...tell us another fairy tale.

Reconnaissance: 900 FBI files.

Red-Handed: From the smoking gun that burned you.

Redress of Grievances: Unfortunately, that won't happen either.

Redundant: You. We have enough corrupt politicians; we don't need anymore, especially in arguably the most powerful position in the world.

Re-education: DNC meetings and Democratic impeachment speeches.

Reefer: Uh, that means joint...as if you didn't know.

Reflection: How come you don't have one?

Reform: Buzzword to attract centrists to your banner.

Reformatory: Where you belong.

Refund: Sorry, this business is cash-and-carry only.

Regime: Your administration.

Registered Voter: Propaganda target.

Regret: Oh, never mind. You wouldn't understand that, either.

Rehearsal: The House Judiciary Committee Hearings, especially for the Democrats.

Rehearsed: The sound of every Democratic speech during the impeachment.

Reimbursement: Deposit in the Lewinsky Sperm Bank.

Relativity: What you say moves away from reality at the speed of light.

Remorseless: You to a 'T.'

Remote Control: Phone sex or Al Gore.

Repeatedly: The frequency with which you break laws while in office.

Repellent: Your total lack of guilt.

Reprobate: You're the king of 'em all...

Reversal: What your defenders had to do in the process of covering up for you.

Revolving Door Policy: For interns only.

Rewriting History: You can't fool all of the historians all of the time.

Riddle Me This, Batman: How can you be guilty of high crimes and misdemeanors and still be in office? Oh, right... damage control.

Ridicule: Get used to that, too.

Righteous Indignation: Something your current jihad is full of (along with one or two other things).

Robert Byrd: Moral(?) Democrat who still couldn't see beyond protecting his president.

Robot: DNC member.

Rule of Thumb: What you've replaced the rule of law with.

-The Watcher (Think of this as your personal censure resolution.)