Jabberwocky: Your presidency.

Jambalaya: Your defense.

Janet Reno: Top Dog (aside from you). "Rolling over right now, sir, yessir, I am, sir."

Jerky Boy: Hey, don't look at me. I didn't vote for you.

Jerry Springer: Get Monica, Hillary, and yourself up there...you wanna talk about ratings?

Jewels: Those things that Hillary has in formaldehyde next to her bed.

Jiffy: Length of your sexual encounters.

Jiggle Factor: One of three ratings you give every woman you meet. Curiously, you use the same rating for the Jello test.

Jingle balls: A game you invented at the last Christmas party you attended.

Jobbed: The American public.

Jogging: A way to burn off all that extra energy. Try a few more miles a day.

Jowls: Janet Reno's cheeks; she even looks like a dog.

Juggler's Hypothesis: The theory that you can get by with throwing enough up into the air to mislead enough people from the true issues. Commonly subscribed to by defense lawyers, especially White House counsel.

Juicy: Gossip, or Monica's blue dress

Junkyard Dog: White House counsel, of course.

Juror: Beneficiary.

Just Do It: Slogan of an ad you saw minutes before Monica came in. Blame it on the environment. Yeah, that's it.

Justice: What's that? Oh, yeah, it's that building a few blocks away.

Justification: Can't be done.

Just Married: Turns a happy man into an adulterer.

Karl Marx: Your favorite author, next to Richard Nixon. Source of your plan to buy up billions' worth of American business (stock). See also Government Ownership of Business.

Keep Off the Grass: Double entendre on a sign on the White House lawn.

Keeper: What you need.

Kennebunkport: A very quiet place, since the impeachment proceedings began.

Kennels: White House Counsel offices, Dept. of Justice.

Keymaster: Remember "Ghostbusters?"

Kickback: Politician's right. See also Bribery, Influence Peddling.

Kicked Around: What will be done to you.

Kicked Out: What should be done to you.

Kickforward: A new modification you bring to the kickback, where 'clients' pay you before you do anything for them. See also Bribery, Contribution.

Kidding: You are, aren't you? You must be.

Killing Time: What you will be doing until the end of your lame-duck term.

Kindergarten: The House impeachment proceedings.

Kindling: The Constitution of the United States.

King Willie: (You knew I was going to come around to this, didn't you?) That part of your personality that manifests itself in attack apologies, lies/perjury, conspiracy, attempting to the instruct the Senate on its duty, etc.

Kingmaker: Depending on how you look at it, either James Carville or Monica Lewinsky.

Kitten: Younger version of Faster Pussycat; she can't get away yet.

Knobknocker: Monica's larynx.

Knowledge: A dangerous thing, especially when the public has it.

Kris Krinkle: One of Monica's pet names for 'it.' Believe me, she knows what the meaning of the word 'it' is.

Lackey: Fawns On Bill (FOB). See also Democrat, Talking Heads.

Laminated: The only type of clothing you'll allow any of your future lovers to wear when you're together.

Lampooning: You make it so easy!

Lanny Breuer: Don't even get me started. Roll over. Fetch. Speak. Good boy!

Larry Flynt: Gimp pimp, chimp. William Randolph Hearst he ain't. Have you noticed that nothing much has been heard from the old skinFlynt since the Bob Barr-athon? Or did you order that too?

Lefty: Another of Monica's nicknames for 'it.'

Leno: He's got enough material to last him the rest of his career now...

Limited War: Fought just long enough for Approval Rating to rise.

Limitless: The depths to which the White House will sink in order to survive.

Linda Tripp: Hoo boy...I wouldn't touch her with a 10-foot cattleprod, but I'm sure she's right up your alley.

Lingering Doubt: You'll become accustomed to that, too.

Lint: "Yeah, that's why I was sucking her navel, that's it."

Lobby: Perfect place for a public sex fetish, or a source of extra income.

Lockjaw: What you probably wish you'd suffered from in January 1998.

Long-term Planning: Lunch.

Loose Cannon: Oh, Sidney? Where are you? *BOOM*

Loss Leader: Al Gore, or the billion-plus spent on bombing bin Laden's camps and Baghdad.

Lost Leader: You, of course.

Lounge Lizard: Got nothing on you!

Ludicrous: If Maxine Waters' picture isn't included with the definition, it ain't complete.

-The Watcher ("We are not amused." Hopefully *you* are.)